Good Parent vs Bad Parent

Well time has certainly flown by and just realizing that I haven't updated the blog in awhile...again, life as we know it! I write this in the few minutes that Jay and I have switched hands as we deal with another rough day with a fussy baby girl. We have recently been dealing with the challenges of breast feeding and this mommy not being able to keep up with Miss Alivia's appetite. In saying that, we have had to do a little supplementing with formula because I am not producing enough to feed her; leading to upset tummy's this week trying to get her used to it in addition to some constipation. I continue this story with the feeling of this mommy feeling absolutely terrible and worthless!! The one thing that I thought would go without a hitch and I would actually know how to do without failing I feel as though I am doing just that.

I have to say that this job (YES, it's a job!!) is much harder than I would have ever anticipated!! There are so many controversial things, different things being told by different people, doctors saying different things then being told to do what you think is best in which I have no idea what is best and what isn't. My girl is a tummy girl as Nana and Papa discovered over the weekend that they were so gracious to watch her while Jay and I had an "adult" day at the IA vs ISU game...doctor's say don't put them on their tummy. She sleeps 4-5 hours on her tummy and maybe an hour on her back...if she sleeps, I sleep; if she's happy, I'm happy. It is so incredibly hard to know what is best for her, know what to do for her and when to do it, to know the "right" and the "wrong"! But as I am constantly told, the motherly instinct will tell me what to do and what is right for my girl...but I am starting to wonder if I have that instinct helping me out!! But we have survived this long and we have made it 4 weeks so I guess we must be doing something right along the way. I keep hearing that it gets easier....and while it gets more bearable I am still waiting for the easier part to come!

Outside of my constant questioning and phone calls/text messages to my mom asking what to do, Miss Alivia continues to change every day. It is so hard to believe that she is already going to be a month old on Sunday! And she has certainly started to create her own personality and attitude in that short month...and temper! ; ) It won't be long and all of her newborn clothes will have to be packed away and start on the stock of 0-3 month clothes and I am sure shortly followed by the 3-6 month if she keeps going! (I said our girl likes to eat!) As the weather continues and we seem to be experiencing the October weather in September the warmer clothes have had to come out anyways.

Jay and I continue to search for our places in things. Everyone told us this would be the biggest challenge to our relationship that we should ever experience and I certainly believe that. We are challenged in the lifestyle changes that we have had in the last 4 weeks since we don't eat together, we don't go to bed together and there are many nights that we don't really get to talk to each other. But this, too, will get easier and we will find that place together again I am sure of it! It is again a surprise the level of "change" that a new baby brings and the "challenges" but nothing that we won't be able to handle in the long run! I have no doubt it will all come together for all three of us!! (4 if you count EmJay!)

I noticed I have continued the trend of yet another rambling post as all of my thoughts and emotions run together and out to the blog. There are a lot of those thoughts running all at once as I ask myself "what the hell am I doing" but at the end of the day when I get to hold my little girl and she snuggles back up to me I know exactly what I am doing...becoming more and more of a mother and falling more and more in love with her as the days go! It's a learning experience and I will tell anyone that contemplates becoming a mother. I doubted it when I kept hearing it...I never should have. I have never felt more doubtful and questioning of myself as I do now but I will learning something each day and hopefully become more comfortable with my "instincts" as a mommy.

Life as we know it

Once again I started a post days ago and am finally getting ready to post it days later. I guess this is life as we know it! : )
Anyways, Alivia got another good report at her 2 week appointment weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs, 5 oz! Yes, a whole pound in one week! Well over her birth weight of 8 lbs, 9 oz. She didn't grow any more inch wise but an inch in the week prior was substantial enough for them to be okay with it. She measures in the 96th percentile for her weight and the 81st percentile for her height and the 76th percentile for her head size (silly measurement if you ask me!). Aside from her growing physically we continue to be amazed how much she changes each and every time we get a new picture of her. I text pictures often to Daddy and he was looking through the pictures and he makes comments on how much she has changed in just 2 weeks.
We got to have more visitors to meet Alivia this week and the "conceited" part of me never gets tired of hearing people tell us how beautiful she is!! : ) We love the cute gifts that everyone brings her and are of course grateful for every bit of it!! We can't wait to get pictures of the adorable outfits when she grows into them all...although I am going to have to start changing her clothes a few times a day to get her into all of them! ; ) But it's fun to see her in the outfits and as she gets more "squirmy" and messy I don't foresee it being much of a problem to have her in multiple outfits a day. She got to meet her "god-sister" today with a visit from "Aunt" Becca and "Uncle" Brian and Meliah! It was great to see them and I know that it was extremely tough on Aunt Becca to have to have waited so long to meet her due to colds in the family! But she got lots of snuggle time with them both and Meliah did terrific with her...her "beee-beee".
Jay and I had our first night out on Saturday night. We are reminded often how important it is to make time for the two of us as it is to have time with Baby Girl. Our friend Sabrina turned 30 Friday and we went out for her birthday while Grandma Lint had time with her "girls" as she called it since Ashleigh was here to help as well. I think she looked as forward to it as we did!! We had a great time and were glad that we were able to go out and help Bri celebrate a milestone birthday! : )
We slowly find ourselves falling into a schedule but at the same time struggling to get things down and maintain the schedules. This momma has had a couple of rough days with Liv's tummy ache and a little fussiness + lack of sleep. We continue to get to know one another. I will admit it is certainly a lot harder than I ever would have thought but the feelings that I have for that little girl are a great reward for the challenges. And she has Daddy wrapped around her little finger for sure!!
Another random, rambling post and probably plenty that I am forgetting to include but I hope to have this rambling mess to help remember the small things and big things that Alivia can see in the future!! And to keep all of our family that don't get to be close updated on her happenings!! We fall more and more in love with this little girl! We continue to learn about her as much as she is learning about us!! In closing of the randomness, we finally got A's newborn photos done and they were so incredibly cute that it was hard for us to choose which ones to get but look forward to getting them hung up around the house!!