After a two-day visit from Meliah at our house, we went and visited your "cousin" Meliah and "Aunt" Becca and "Uncle" Brian this past weekend for our first Kern/Jaschen Christmas and you should have been there! Meliah would have loved playing with her new Ball Popper and Kitchen with you. They got us a beautiful grass-woven angel with "House Divided" and the colors on it for us to hang in your memory! They know us well and know that your mommy and daddy are "divided" in our team preferences : ) But never divided in the remberance of our Angel girl.
We returned home on Sunday, after a visit to your great-grandpa in the hospital, to have dinner with your "cousin" Kale and "Aunt" Katie and "Uncle" Matt at the Olive Garden. I imagined the time that we would have had together and know that you and Kale would have been great friends.
We were to have dinner with your other "cousin" Brylee and "Aunt" Sabrina and "Uncle" Nick tonight but the darn weather and germs going around, Sabrina has to get her rest for the holidays so we have to reschedule that for another day to give Brylee her gift and have dinner with them very soon. Brylee would have taught you so many things as you grew up and I know that you two would have been good pals and kept each other "out of" (or in) trouble.
Tomorrow would have been our first visit to mommy's work for the Children's Christmas Party. We were to go with Sabrina and Brylee and visit Santa Clause and Mrs. Clause. You would have been too small for the arts and crafts that they set up for the kids but would have been the cutest little girl there I am sure of it!
Christmas Eve will be at our house this year. I find this comforting to know that I will be at home "with you". I know that you will be watching us all and will help Mommy keep the strength to get through all of the Holidays. Knowing that I will be sad without you there, I will be thankful to have our family there for support and like all other things in the past 6 months I will survive, persevere through it and never for a second not remember and think of you. It has been difficult for me to shop for gifts for all of your cousins knowing that I should be shopping for you as well. It has been hard to know that I should be spoiling you rotten but know that all of your family in the sky is doing a fine job of it in my place.
It's hard to imagine that it has been 6 months since you were born and taken away from us. It's hard to believe that it has been so long yet my thoughts and memories of you seem so close to me. I know that you know that you will always have a very special place in my mind and my heart even 60 years from now. You are the most beautiful Angel up there...I know this! Even 6 months later, and I miss you as much as I did the day that they took you from me at the hospital when I had to leave without you. It's been hard to get through the Holidays this year knowing that I should be celebrating them with my little girl.
With that, I know that you are looking out for me and your daddy. I know that you are part of the "plan" that He has for us. I know that you are helping out and I have to believe that I have been given maybe an early Christmas present from you. I have been praying a lot lately as I am sure you have heard. I may not do it in the conventional way but I know that you can hear me. I know that you can hear my words to you, hear my heart still in pieces because I miss you so much, hear my prayers and hopes for the future. I love you Angel Girl! Always and Always I will love you. You are doing a great job in looking out for everyone that we hold dear to us. You are a gift giver in more ways than you will ever know. Mommy and Daddy will be okay, you already know that, but Mommy is trying to believe that herself and convince herself that everything will work out eventually and that you will have a big hand in everything that comes to us!
Merry Christmas from Heaven
I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
On cold wintry nights
I still share your hopes
And all of your cares
I’ll even remind you
To please say your prayers
I just want to tell you
You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
Above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment
To stay in His grace
I came here before you
To help set your place
You don’t have to be
Perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb
To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I’m still close beside you
In a new special way
I love you all dearly
Now don’t shed a tear
Because I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus this year
I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
On cold wintry nights
I still share your hopes
And all of your cares
I’ll even remind you
To please say your prayers
I just want to tell you
You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
Above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment
To stay in His grace
I came here before you
To help set your place
You don’t have to be
Perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb
To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I’m still close beside you
In a new special way
I love you all dearly
Now don’t shed a tear
Because I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus this year
There are so many people in our lives that I once imagined you growing fond of, imagined falling as in love with you as we have, and that you would have had a very special place in their lives. And while I know that you know that you do have that special place in their hearts and know that you are looking over them always, I hope you also know the comfort that I have knowing that you are a guardian angel to so many!
Merry Christmas our precious girl with Love forever and ever from your mommy & daddy!
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